You Don’t Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression

By Phoebe Pineda

Point to ponder: “Two things remain irretrievable: time and a first impression.” — Cynthia Ozick

Author’s note: Anand and I met at a Kid-to-Work Day nearly two decades ago.  He was my dad’s boss, and when he wasn’t letting me doodle on his whiteboard while he and my dad talked shop, we were having conversations about books I’d read, or trips he’d taken.  Anand and I bonded over a shared love of stories, but where my knowledge came mostly from books, his came from years of experience — talking to people, traveling the world, making mistakes.

My dad incorporated Friday Reflections into our nightly reading routine, which I admired then for its mixture of fun anecdotes from history and life and admire now for the lessons imbued in each chapter.  Years after those initial bedtime readings, Anand enlisted me to help him bring more of these reflections to life.  In our own reenactment of Tuesdays with Morrie, we meet once a week on Zoom, where he tells me a story and I shape it, much like a gardener pruning a tree.  We approach each conversation from two very different stages in life, one of us looking forward, the other looking back.

In the life cycle of every experience at an organization — be it school, the workplace, or even a club or Scouting troop — there are two important endpoints: the time you join, and the time you leave.  Today I’ll be sharing Anand’s thoughts on first impressions, and how to make them count.

Storyline:

Early in his career, Anand was sent overseas to manage product engineering and quality operations in Manila.  Despite being technically competent, he lacked the maturity to interact with management — he knew all the written rules, but not the unwritten ones.

As Anand completed his assignment, a more experienced colleague named Vic provided him with some advice for making a good first impression: When you join a new group or organization, don’t start making big changes right away.  Take the time to observe and get to know your environment — you’re a newcomer, in an ecosystem with its own way of functioning.  Really gain an understanding of the culture and the relationships between people: who works with who?  What is most important to the organization, particularly to those in charge?  Just as you need to understand the geography of the landscape in order to build a road, you need to understand how your organization works in order to get things done.

By observing his environment, Anand discovered more crucial aspects of making first impressions.  First, don’t talk too much about your past job or previous company — that’s history.  Success in a new environment depends on being able to adapt to that environment.  Instead of fixating on your previous experiences, spend more time getting to know the people you’ll be working with.  Ask them about what they do, what their priorities are, what excites them — they’ll know that you’re present and interested in them.

Once you’ve gotten a sense of how the group works, you can start to bring in suggestions from what you’ve learned from previous experiences if you observe any areas that could use improvement, without bringing up the name of your previous organization — but don’t try to force them.

These lessons became very important to Anand throughout his career.

Reflection:

All of us have entered a new environment — college, the workforce, a club or organization.  Adjusting can be difficult, especially when you’re the sole newcomer in a sea of experienced people who all know each other and have certain habits and routines.  But if you observe and pay attention, like a scientist studying an animal habitat, you can learn something new.

If you transfer to a new university for creative writing, but all you do is compare it to the writing program at your old school, people will wonder why you left in the first place.  Instead, get to know the faculty and your classmates — what drew them to the program, what genres and topics they write, what they’ve learned and what they still want to know.  You don’t have to abandon your old ways entirely, but learning the new ways will make your experience much easier.

Next week, we’ll discuss the importance of leaving lasting memories.

Originally from the SF Bay Area, Phoebe Pineda currently studies Writing and Literature at the University of California Santa Barbara's College of Creative Studies.  In addition to storytelling, she enjoys sunset-watching, road trips, and making art.